One of my duties in the early 2000s as an editor in DC Comics’ Licensing Group was to write or re-write a variety of DC Superhero themed stunt and stage shows presented at the various Six Flags Amusement Parks across the country. Many of these shows had been running for several years and were usually loosely “based” on at least the casts of Batman (1989), Batman Returns (1992), Batman Forever (1995), and Batman & Robin (1997), and were not particularly good.

Most of the shows were written by Six Flags employees, people without a comic book background, and were not only very corny, but badly outdated. I could clean up some of the corn and update the characters and references, but there wasn’t much I could do about the basic stories themselves, which were thin excuses for the villains to capture the heroes and then have everybody fight. I was constrained by the existing sets, stunt set-ups (lots of zip-lines, rappelling, swinging, and falls), and casts (determined by whichever villain costumes the park had), but as my boss at the time, writer/editor Martin Pasko told me when he handed me the assignment, “You ain’t writing Chekov here.”

Max and me propping up DC at the gate to Six Flags Great Adventure’s DC Comics Superheroes themed section, 2002.

My family and I spent a day as a guest at Six Flags Great Adventure in Massachusetts, wandering the stunt show set, meeting with the director and some of the technical crew, and watching a production of their show, which was the first one I was to rewrite. After that, I worked on three or four other stunt shows, wrote a couple from scratch (including a water stunt show), and “freshened up” this script for a Batman and Robin and the Joker meet-and-greet show. When you read it, remember: it was even worse before I got my hands on it! And, no, I don’t know why they insisted on having Robin onstage but not give him any lines.

Six Flags Stage Show: “HEROES AMONG US” — 2nd Draft 11/13/03

CAST:

HOST

BATMAN

ROBIN

THE JOKER

MALL SECURITY GUARDS

(INTRODUCTION: TRACK OF MUSIC AS THE HOST TAKES THE STAGE.)

HOST

Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to (FILL IN NAME OF VENUE). We have what you might call a super surprise for you today, a very special guest, courtesy of the Wayne Foundation and the Gotham City Civic Council. That’s right, direct from Gotham City, the world’s greatest crime-fighting team, the Dynamic Duo…Batman and Robin!

(MUSIC TRACK BUILDS THROUGH INTRODUCTION. DURING THE HOST’S INTRODUCTION, BATMAN AND ROBIN MAKE THEIR WAY FROM THE REAR OF THE CROWD AND WALKED THROUGH A STANTIONED OFF PATH DOWN THE MIDDLE AISLE. THEY MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE STAGE OCCASIONALLY SHAKING HAND WITH CHILDREN.)

(BATMAN TAKES CENTER STAGE. ROBIN STANDS AT STAGE LEFT.)

BATMAN

Thank you and good afternoon. On behalf of Robin and myself I want to thank you all for coming out today. We’re usually kept pretty busy fighting crime and helping keep the streets of Gotham City safe. In fact, Robin and I are taking a short break in our search for the Clown Prince of Crime, The Joker, to be here to talk to you today. Because we believe this is that important a topic…and one we both know a little something about: heroes!

Now, I’ll bet when you think of heroes, you think about people like Robin and myself. Men and women with super-powers in colorful costumes who fly around the universe fighting off alien invasions and super-villains.

THE JOKER (V.O.)

(laughing)

HA HA HA HA! When I think of super-heroes…it gives me a super-headache!

(BATMAN AND ROBIN REACT, LOOKING AROUND THE AUDIENCE FOR THE JOKER. AFTER A FEW SECONDS OF THIS, BATMAN MAKES A CALMING GESTURE WITH HIS HANDS, SETTLING THE AUDIENCE DOWN.)

BATMAN

The Joker! Well, sounds as if we’re closer to capturing him than we thought.

But…where was I? Ah, yes, heroes. You might be surprised to learn that even though I wear a costume, I have heroes of my own. As a member of the Justice League, I work regularly with some of the world’s greatest super-heroes, including Superman. Who here has heard of Superman?

(BATMAN SMILES AT THE AUDIENCE’S RESPONSE.)

BATMAN (continued)

You’ll probably also be surprised that the reason I admire Superman and the rest of my fellow Justice Leaguers isn’t because of their great powers and abilities or cool gadgets like my Batarangs. It’s because of their character, their concern for their fellow man, and their desire to help anyone in trouble…because that is what makes a hero, not what he wears. Their unselfish devotion to others and what’s in their hearts.

Shot NOT from “Heroes Among Us.”

THE JOKER (V.O.)

(laughing)

Talk, talk, talk! Some hero you are, Blab-man!

BATMAN

Ignore him, everyone. The only thing The Joker knows about heroes is that they’re always sending him to jail!

As I was saying, heroism isn’t about big muscles or cool cars. It’s about courage…even in the face of the scariest thing you can think of. I’m going to let you in on a big secret: even heroes get scared. But a real hero isn’t anything more than an ordinary person who’s able to do the right thing even when they are afraid!

And those are the kinds of heroes I’m here to talk about. Real, everyday heroes…the kind who live and work in your community. Men and women who don’t wear costumes, who might not even wear a uniform but who still do the right thing, who are dependable and honest and selfless, who you can always turn to in times of need. Can anyone think of real-life heroes who fit that description?

(AUDIENCE RESPONSES WHILE BATMAN LISTENS, NODDING IN APPROVAL.)

BATMAN (continued)

Police officers! That’s right! Not only do they prevent and fight crime, they also serve their communities in dozens of different ways, volunteering their time to help the less fortunate. Can you think of another kind of hero?

(BATMAN WAITS FOR AUDIENCE RESPONSE.)

BATMAN (continued)

Fire fighters! Excellent. Talk about unselfish! Fire fighters risk their lives to save others every single day, battling fires and racing into burning buildings…and don’t think that’s not about the scariest thing anyone can do! Now, who else do you think is heroic?

(BATMAN WAITS FOR AUDIENCE RESPONSE.)

BATMAN (continued)

That’s right, teachers! They might not risk their lives or fight criminals, but they work long, hard hours to make sure that each and every one of you gets the best education available and a chance for a bright future. A teacher can be the most influential person in a child’s life.

THE JOKER (V.O.)

(laughing)

HEE! HEE! HEE! I’ll never forget my old reform school teacher. Why, he taught me everything I know…about larceny!

BATMAN

Maybe if The Joker had had a good teacher when he was younger, he wouldn’t have turned to crime. Or if he had been lucky enough to have a family member who he could have looked up to, someone like a parent, or even an older brother or sister. Think about how hard your mom and dad work every single day to do the right thing, to see that you grow up protected and safe and learn the values you need to become good grown-ups just like them.

And someone doesn’t have to be related to you to be part of your family. In fact, I’ll tell you another secret about myself—I lost my parents when I was a young boy and though I was left a lot of money, I had no family to take care of me. But there was a man who worked for my family who came to my rescue, becoming, in some ways, even more than a parent to me. Because he didn’t have to step up and raise me…but he did the right—the heroic thing, teaching me in a way that would have made my real dad proud. That man will always be my greatest hero!

THE JOKER (V.O.)

(mocking)

Boo-hoo, Bat-boob! It’s enough to make a clown cry! HA HA HA HA!

Another shot NOT from “Heroes Among Us.”

BATMAN

Listen, The Joker can laugh all he wants, but we know the truth, right, kids? In fact, because of what that man did for me, I grew up to help another boy who lost his family, just like I had. I remembered how lost and helpless I felt, like I was all alone in the world…but I was lucky enough to have my friend come to my rescue. So I did the same for this boy and discovered something amazing.

I thought I was helping him…but it turned out that he gave back to me even more than I had given him. He made me forget my own loneliness and learn to care for someone else. He gave me a family and one that I have every reason to be incredibly proud of.

(BATMAN TURNS AND GESTURES PROUDLY AT THE NEARBY ROBIN.)

BATMAN (continued)

And that boy is, in more than just name, a Boy Wonder! He is Robin.

(ROBIN STEPS FORWARD AND ACCEPTS THE AUDIENCE’S APPLAUSE, SMILING AND WAVING TO THE AUDIENCE.)

THE JOKER (V.O.)

Oh, this is just too sappy!

(THE JOKER COMES RUNNING DOWN THE CENTER AISLE, WAVING A CANE IN HIS HAND. HE RACES RIGHT AT BATMAN AND ROBIN.)

THE JOKER

I’d rather be in prison than listen to this slop!

BATMAN

Careful, Robin! We don’t know what that clown may have up his sleeve! Flank right!

(AS THE JOKER LEAPS UP ONTO THE STAGE, WAVING HIS CANE AND LAUGHING MANIACALLY ALL THE TIME, BATMAN AND ROBIN SLOWLY MAKE THEIR WAY DOWN THE SIDES OF THE AUDIENCE.)

THE JOKER

HAH! I thought they’d never leave! Listen, all that dribble about heroes…who needs ‘em? All the police do is put me and my friends in jail and fire fighters…phooey! I can’t tell you how many perfectly good fires I’ve started that they’ve ruined…even before I could roast a single marshmellow! HA HA HA HA!

And don’t get me started on teachers and parents and all the rest of the goody-goodies in this world. What’s so good about being good? Good is so…booooring! But bad—now there’s some kind of fun. Robbing banks, stealing from the rich and keeping it so you’re not poor! Looting! Pillaging! Rioting! Mayhem! Misery!

Still yet another shot NOT from “Heroes Among Us.”

(THE JOKER RAISES THE CANE UNDER HIS ARM, AIMING IT LIKE A RIFLE AND STARTS TO SWING IT BACK AND FORTH ACROSS THE AUDIENCE TO THE ACCOMPANYING SFX OF MACHINE GUN FIRE.)

THE JOKER

(laughing)

Oooh, I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it! HA HA HA!

But what kind of fun do heroes have? What’s the reward for being a good guy? There’s no loot, no diamonds and jewels, no nothing!

(BATMAN AND ROBIN HAVE CIRCLED AROUND, COMING UP BEHIND THE JOKER AS HE RANTS AND RAVES TO THE AUDIENCE.)

BATMAN

That’s right, Joker. All anybody ever got out of doing the right thing was knowing that they’ve helped someone and maybe made the world just a little bit better!

(THE JOKER WHIRLS AROUND, POINTING THE CANE AT BATMAN AND ROBIN AS THEY ADVANCE TOWARDS HIM.)

THE JOKER

Exactly my point, Bat-brain! Why would anybody want to do that?

(BATMAN WHIPS A BATARANG OUT FROM UNDER HIS CAPE AND HOLDS IT, POISED TO THROW IT AT THE JOKER AS ROBIN CIRCLES AROUND BEHIND THE DISTRACTED VILLAIN.)

BATMAN

You know, Joker, I can’t think of a worse punishment for someone like you than never knowing just how good that can feel.

(BATMAN THROWS THE BATARANG, WHICH HITS THE JOKER AND SENDS THE CLOWN SPINNING AROUND AND DROPPING HIS CANE, DAZED. ROBIN IS BEHIND THE VILLAIN TO CATCH HIM.)

THE JOKER

Zorch!

(BEFORE THE JOKER CAN RECOVER, ROBIN HAS SNAPPED HANDCUFFS ON HIS WRISTS. TWO MALL SECURITY GUARDS ENTER TO TAKE THE JOKER AWAY.)

THE JOKER (continued)

Hee Hee Hee!! You may have won the battle, Bat-buffoon and Bird-boy…but the war isn’t over! I shall return! HA HA HA HA! Badder than ever!

(THE SECURITY GUARDS ESCORT THE JOKER OFF-STAGE, LAUGHING ALL THE WHILE. BATMAN AND ROBIN RESUME THEIR SPOTS ON STAGE.)

BATMAN

As many times as he keeps getting sent back to prison, The Joker never seems to learn the simple lesson that I’ll bet every kid here already knows…that being one of the good guys is the way to go. And remember, you don’t a costume or have to fight crime to be a hero. You just have to be there in every day life to do the right thing for the people around them.

In fact, I’d like to give all of you here the chance to honor the people you know who are the heroes in your life. Who here already knows who their heroes are?

(BATMAN SMILES IN SATISFACTION AT THE AUDIENCE’S RESPONSE.)

BATMAN (continued)

That’s great! And Robin and I are going to make it easy for you to show your heroes how you feel by giving everyone here special hero badges. Each person will get five badges and it’s up to you to write your name on the badge and give them to each of your heroes. What do you think? Can you guys do that?

(BATMAN AND ROBIN ARE BOTH PLEASED BY THE AUDIENCE RESPONSE.)

BATMAN (continued)

And I need you all to do one more thing for me…promise me that you’ll do your best to grow up and become a hero to someone else!

All right. Now, who wants to come up and meet Robin and myself?

(AT THIS POINT THE LINE INSTRUCTIONS ARE GIVEN AND THE MEET AND GREET BEGINS.)

# # #

One last shot NOT from “Heroes Among Us.”

 

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1 Comment on “The Heroes Among Us” at Six Flags

  1. Vernon Sanders says:

    I would have liked to have seen one of those shows growing up. I find enjoyment in shows like that, either in spite of or because of the corn.

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